she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
