i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, beer. Big fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
