In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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