Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
tell me about the fingering
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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