Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
