I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
