I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
