Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
