He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
