doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
