I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
