If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
