Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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