How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
