I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
