I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
