Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
