That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
