dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
