I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
