She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
