His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
