So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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