ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Mom said you looked used
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
