covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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