Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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