my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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