I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
