i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
