i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
