6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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