do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
