At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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