we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
