How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
