The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
