Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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