A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
