the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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