Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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