My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
