Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
