She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
