Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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