omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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