I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
