I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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