Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
