she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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