Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
